WARNING: This post is very long, entirely personal and has nothing to do with my art or Mineral King.

When I was in third grade, a new family started attending my church. I became friends with Deanne, a first grader. We are still friends, with layers and decades of history and experiences binding us together.

Deanne had two older brothers. The oldest, Darrell, was 3 years older than me, so I mostly ignored him. When we were in our twenties, we were both living in Visalia, and we starting hanging out together. He was cool, charismatic, fun, friendly, and good-looking, an important feature among people in their twenties.

Last week we lost Darrell. I wrote up some thoughts to share with his family, and decided to share an abbreviated version with you, Faithful Blog Readers. These are life lessons that I learned from him.

Lesson #1: Help people when you are able.

When I needed to pack up my apartment and put everything in storage. Darrell helped me do that, and a sub-lesson I learned from him was how to efficiently pack a storage unit. He was a hard worker and showed me how to take advantage of every available inch. I was a little shocked to see him turn my brand new couch on its side, but he knew what he was doing.

Lesson #2: Find fun, make fun, and enjoy life every place possible.

Darrell had a distinct laugh, one that another friend described as “stuttery”. If it could be spelled, it would truly be “heh-heh- heh”. While shuttling my possessions to the storage unit, he made a shortcut across a vacant lot. I said, “Where are you going??” and he said, “I’m not driving the long way around, heh-heh-heh!” So we bounced across the vacant lot and across the sidewalk and down a curb in a borrowed pick-up.

At a high school youth retreat, the youth sponsor’s door came off the hinges, and the bell tower mysteriously played “Smoke on the Water” instead of a hymn.  I remember a TPing incident that involved a lot of shouting and laughter and fast driving away. If there was something that was on the edge, scary, or risky, Darrell was usually involved.

Lesson #3: Be a gentleman, regardless of the circumstances.

I lent him a car at a time when I had two, and it was a mistake. There was a lot of chaos and upset, but the car was returned, and nothing bad happened. Later, Darrell apologized to me for causing trouble. I was touched by his concern.

When we were hanging around together, it was often with another girl friend of mine. Darrell was concerned about our reputations, because we were “good girls” and he was a “bad boy”. We both reassured him that we weren’t worried, because if he needed good girls in his life to help him get on track, then we were there for him.

Lesson #4: Always work hard. 

No matter what adverse circumstances Darrell created for himself, he managed to find work. He liked to be outdoors, and to do physical labor. He was never afraid of work, and usually chose farming. There was that tomato project at his parents’ place early on. . . I don’t think it turned out well, but he didn’t seem to get discouraged.

Lesson #5: Often our choices cause difficult consequences for more than just ourselves.

Life is all about choices and consequences. We all make good and bad choices, and the final lesson I learned from Darrell is that our choices definitely affect other people. He didn’t use discernment when he generously offered a room to someone he barely knew, someone who killed him without mercy. The consequences of that decision are affecting all of us who cared about him.

I believe that Darrell is now with Jesus. We were baptized at the same time, when I was 8 and he was 11, along with his brother, my sister and another friend. We all were young, but every one of us sincerely believed at that time. A number of years later, I learned something important from a wise Bible teacher, who happened to be Darrell’s own mom. She said in reference to John 3:16 that “Eternal means eternal. How can something be eternal if it can be taken back?”

So, in spite of him not being a current part of my life, he was part of my past and will be again in the future.